Probing For The Lowdown On Joey
Newcastle Herald
Saturday August 14, 1999
THE hot topic on the lips of every fair-dinkum Knights footy fan is Andrew Johns' groin. Today, The Footy Page probes where no man has been before: We get up close and personal with Joey's nether regions.
The Footy Page: Groin, thanks for taking five minutes break from the ice-packs to talk to us. Can you describe the experience of being the most talked-about body part in rugby league?
Groin: It's been an incredible buzz. As I was growing, I really looked up to Ricky Stuart's groin, and if somebody had told me I'd be that high profile, I would have truly had to pinch myself.
TFP: And you've also looked up to the groins of Brad Fittler and Ian Roberts, haven't you?
Groin: Yeah, Freddy's groin has been in the news a bit lately. And I still speak to Ian's groin occasionally. Let me just say that Ian's groin and I are just good pals, nothing else. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
TFP: So Groin, in the overall scheme of Andrew's anatomy, how important are you and what function do you actually perform?
Groin: I feel I've been underestimated. When you see Andrew kick a ball, a lot of people talk about the boots he wears and how important they are, but if it wasn't for me, his leg wouldn't operate properly. Since I've been injured, his goalkicking at times has suffered. While disappointed for Andrew, I feel vindicated on a personal level.
TFP: Without offending our readers, have you been under any other sort of pressure lately?
Groin: No, not at all. Andrew's partner, Renae, has a baby due any week now, and although I haven't been called upon as much as I would like, it is still an exciting time for Andrew and the family nonetheless.
TFP: How did your injury come about?
Groin: To be honest, it was a steady build-up of pressure. It's no secret that Andrew is a fellow who likes to burn the candle at both ends.
At times, myself and other body parts have cursed silently to ourselves, particularly my close friend Liver. I remember one time at training, Andrew extended too far and I felt a strange twinge all over. But just as I was expecting a cooling bag of ice, some callous-handed trainer ran on and started smearing Tiger Balm all over me.
TFP: OK, Groin, we'll wrap it up there. I know that Andrew has become sick and tired of talking about you to the media but can you put our minds at ease and assure us you can get the boy through to the end of September?
Groin: Oh, okay, so he's tired of talking about me is he? He needs to have a good look at himself in the mirror. Well, actually he does, only it's usually from the shoulders up. He doesn't understand how much strain we're all under down here, lumping his oversized rump around. And it seems to be getting bigger and hairier every year. What he's got to realise is that if I'm not performing at 100 per cent, neither is he.
It was something I discussed the other day with Dr Neil Halpin and he agreed. Nice bloke, Neil. I'll do my best but to be honest, I spend most nights wishing I was a part of his brother Matthew's body.
Matthew is a superbly conditioned athlete, and from speaking to his biceps at a family get-together recently, none of his muscles get any ill-treatment and he's such a lovely bloke to boot.
TFP: Thanks for your time.
Groin: The pleasure is all mine.
© 1999 Newcastle Herald